TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
