So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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