checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
