please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize