i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
