But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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