why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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