you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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