party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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