I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
