Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
