hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
