He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
should my penis look like a turkey
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I am naked and annoyed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
