I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
