Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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