No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
God I need to hump something, right now.
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