I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize
