it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
