Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
