Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
