His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
