He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
