I'm lost and stupid without you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
