If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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