There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
