I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
