I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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