remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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