Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
