I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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