I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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