I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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