Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I forgot how hot balto sounded
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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