you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
