if you like me you must not know who I am
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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