Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
