I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
