The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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