so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So here I am, sexting at work.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
