There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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