oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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