New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
