then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
