The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
