He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
