I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
