i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
