Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
