I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
