it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
