If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
