Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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