youre lurking in front of me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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