Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
