I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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