i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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