I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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