i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
high people should be assigned attendants
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
