I think I won the penis lottery.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
