I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I want a musical about memes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
