i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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