so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
