Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
