Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
