I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
