420 ftw
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
