I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Bring me that man meat
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
