you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
