I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
