I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
