Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
