Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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