Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
