I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
