He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
then he tried to convert me to islam
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
