so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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