you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize