Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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