drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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