hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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