Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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