Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
