God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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