I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
