So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
