: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
