Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
