it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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