better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
